11 August 2006


I think it is absolutely strange beyond strange that when you go to the doctor to pee in the cup they tell you to "void" into the cup. Void. What connection does urine have to the word "void." When I think of "void" I think of the vast emptiness of empty, dark, cold, lifeless, space where there are no stars, no planets, nothing. That is the void.
What does this have to do with pee?
Does it mean that now I have a void in my bladder?
I don't know. I just think it is weird.
I had my woman appointment today. I'm glad that's over for another year. Apparently I am in perfect health which is nice. I have to say that my doctor, a woman, is an artisan of the PS, so much that when she does it, you literally almost can't even feel anything. And it isn't awkward at all. I think she is a true artist with the speculum. Thank you Dr. Johnson.
Moving on, I would like to report that I have applied for a part-time job. The reason for this is three-fold: 1) with Billy working nights, I will have a lot of time on my hands once the home renovations are complete, 2) we could really use the money plus the sooner the debt is paid off, the sooner I can quit my real job, 3) I want to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING with even an OUNCE of creativity involved. So, I applied to Nichole's Fine Pastries, and was called back within a day's time to come in an chat with the owner. The chat went well. She is a former farm girl who thought she was going to be an accountant until one day, she saw a fruit tart and decided that pastry was her calling. She has trained all over the world with a lot of very famous chef's, and I am so excited to have the possibility of maybe learning something from this woman. If she can work out the schedule, she will hire me, and I love the thought of working there. The place has a real French flare to it, and you know how I feel about anything Francophone. I will learn about coffee, wine, and dessert, and how to bake better, and how to run a cash register, and how to run a small business. I think that working there is going to give me a lot of insight into running a small business and if I ever really, actually want to do that (which at this point, I believe I still do). Plus, it will be warm, cozy, smell amazing, play fun music, and deal with customers that really WANT to be there, so I don't think it will be so bad.
I hope I get the job.
I also have another part time job (I know, I know, but we need the money, and I need the experience) working as the administrative assistant for the Chamber Chorale here in town. I will be working under a colleage/good friend of mine, Athena. Athena is everything you'd think she'd be. Very eccentric and fun, and I love her. We have a great time working together, and we don't mind suffering through awful circumstances together, so I think that will be great. Plus they wrote a grant just so they could pay me, so I have to follow through on that now, and at least it has SOMETHING to do with music.
Given these two developments, I am feeling better about my career path knowing that, even though I still have the full-time job, I am at least staying involved with the creative community and possibly, maybe easing into something else in the future.
This makes me extremely hopeful.
Something else makes me hopeful. Today we are beginning to put the bathroom back together. That's right, the tiling, grouting, painting, caulking, window installing, window insullating, stress-inducing, sleeping in a 100 degree room days may soon be over. If Billy can find some brute strong enough to help, they are going to move the tub back in today. The tub. The beautiful, copper painted, chrome-footed, clawfoot tub with read: ridiculously expensive plumbing fixtures, will soon be installed in my new bathroom. Which means that this weekend, come hell or high water, I am taking a bath in that gd tub. In my own house.
However, I am nervous because with all of the hub-bub and chaos associated with all of the various house projects for the past year (yes, it has been nearly a year), Billy and I never did test the tub to verify that it actually will hold (and not leak) water.
I suppose we should have done that.
Another example of us doing things completely bass-ackwards.
Also, I am nervous because, frankly, things have gone too well with this project. Nothing horrible has happened yet. This is not typical for us. Something has to go drastically wrong. Otherwise, the project is just too good to be true.
Work has been extremely stressful this week. I have been covering for my boss while he's gone. Filling his shoes is not easy, and I have to deal with a lot of types of people that I don't normally deal with, and all of them want everything right now, and the phone rang off the hook for the first part of the week, and there are a lot of nervous customers to deal with also. I don't mind the variety, though--getting to do something different from normal--and being stretched out of my "comfort zone" at work (but really, this entire job and entire lifestyle is outside of my comfort zone, so I give myself credit for even showing up at all, frankly).
Tonight I get to attend a barbeque soirree at a good friend's of mine. Well, actually, it is Sara here at work, the one who wrote about the work poop situation. There will be some other very fun friends there, good food, drinks, etc. I relish the thought of doing something like this after spending every other evening this week on my hands and knees tiling, grouting, caulking, etc. Not to say that I don't enjoy the houseprojects, because I do, but to say instead that I have felt like something of a hermit, and also I've been eating bread crusts and ice cream for supper every night, and it will be nice to eat normal food and talk to actual human beings instead of just the pets.
This week I did do something social. I attended a going-away party for a highschool friend of mine who is getting shipped off to Iraq. She is with a finance unit, of all things, that is going to help the GI's over there with their financial situations, etc. It's kind of interesting; I didn't know the military would send someone over there for that purpose. Anyway, a couple of other high school friends were at this party. It was nice to see them, but I was really surprised by how bitter some of them were/are at our upbringing in a small town, and how much this bitterness has basically paralyzed them into not being able to do anything with their lives. It's difficult to even talk to this one individual because she has nothing good to say about anything, especially herself. And she is clear about the fact that she is miserable in every way, and that it is the Upbringing in an Opressive Small Town that is to blame for her paralysis. But, there just comes a point where a person has to be able to get over whatever is bothering them from their past, stop being a victim, and stop letting their feelings keep them from figuring out who they are. Well, some of my classmates are stuck to varying degrees in this strange paralysis. I understand it to a certain extent. I wasn't exactly happy with my time in college, for instance. But at least I am able to function on a rather basic level, and this one individual does not seem to be able to. In fact, she seems more awkward and unhappy than I've ever seen her, and I just don't even know what to say to her about it anymore. She refuses to listen to encouragement. She seems happy to be despondent. She is kind of an Eyore.
I have no idea how to spell Eyore and I don't care.
I guess seeing her again was just a lesson to me that you have to rise above whatever you perceive to have "wronged" you in your life and instead push ahead to try to figure out who you are. Nobody else can do that for you. And it seems to me more and more that when we take risks to do try to figure out ourselves, our lifes, and what we were meant to do, that God rewards that somehow, and that circumstances work themselves out. Sometimes a person has to be creative with how they start moving down a different path, too, and kind of seek solutions that are maybe a little bit "out of the box" for themselves and their families. But I think more than we realize, we don't need to be "stuck." We don't need to be in the void.


Blogger Heather said...

Erin, I must say that this is the perfect example of the perfect post. You began with voiding, and you ended with void. I find this substantially satisfying, in more ways than one. Thank you.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Kiersten H. said...

It's Eeyore, if I'm not mistaken. Good news that your new house project was going so well, and I hope it's finished and looking gorgeous already. Exciting news.

1:11 AM  

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