Quizno's 911
Oh Quizno's, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...I love thee for your delicious and nutrious toasted tuna sandwiches with swiss cheese. I love thee for being three businesses down from my work. And I love thee, O Quizno's, for saving me from Patra.
Folks.
I just had a run in with a dangerous food. Dangerous not because it is good, but dangerous because it is truly violating. Now, I consider myself extremely open-minded when it comes to food. But today, today I met my match.
Patra is an Indian food. Now, I LOVE Indian food. I love it so much that I went against my principles and recently purchased pre-packaged Indian meals at the health food store, all of which were quite glorious and free of chemicals. All glorious, until today.
Patra is some kind of leaf (I want to say chacia or achaia but that's not right either) filled with graham flour and a million different kind of spices.
When I saw this in the store, I thought, "Oh, kind of like dolmades." Dolmades are stuffed grape leaves ala Greek style. They are awesome.
People. I am warning you. This is no joke. Patra is probably the grossest thing you could eat next to pickled pigs feet. It came out of the package in one giant, dense, chunk. It stayed that way even after microwaving and attempted stirring. It looked like a glop of leaves and flour completely covered in bird seed. And the bird seed was anise and fennel seeds (my two most un-favorite spices).
Now, I gave the ol' Patra the ol' college try. I ate two bites. I tried, tried, tried to savor them. After the second bite I could feel the bile coming up my throat (no joke). It was so violating, I had to call Sara over to inspect the damn thing. She poked at it with the fork like it was an alien.
People, I would rather have eaten an alien than this stuff.
It was all I could do to get it to the garbage. The smell is still permeating my cube. The taste was in my mouth.
There was only one thing to do: call in the Quizno's. Which I did in short order. Thank God for Quizno's. Thank God I can get a regular tuna fish sandwich without added birdseed for under five dollars. I believe it will be the only thing strong enough to cut the horrible taste of the Patra from my pallate.
Patra is evil. Stay away from it. Do not risk your good health over this "new experience."
I would take pictures, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I look at this stuff in the garbage, I will surely throw up.
Folks.
I just had a run in with a dangerous food. Dangerous not because it is good, but dangerous because it is truly violating. Now, I consider myself extremely open-minded when it comes to food. But today, today I met my match.
Patra is an Indian food. Now, I LOVE Indian food. I love it so much that I went against my principles and recently purchased pre-packaged Indian meals at the health food store, all of which were quite glorious and free of chemicals. All glorious, until today.
Patra is some kind of leaf (I want to say chacia or achaia but that's not right either) filled with graham flour and a million different kind of spices.
When I saw this in the store, I thought, "Oh, kind of like dolmades." Dolmades are stuffed grape leaves ala Greek style. They are awesome.
People. I am warning you. This is no joke. Patra is probably the grossest thing you could eat next to pickled pigs feet. It came out of the package in one giant, dense, chunk. It stayed that way even after microwaving and attempted stirring. It looked like a glop of leaves and flour completely covered in bird seed. And the bird seed was anise and fennel seeds (my two most un-favorite spices).
Now, I gave the ol' Patra the ol' college try. I ate two bites. I tried, tried, tried to savor them. After the second bite I could feel the bile coming up my throat (no joke). It was so violating, I had to call Sara over to inspect the damn thing. She poked at it with the fork like it was an alien.
People, I would rather have eaten an alien than this stuff.
It was all I could do to get it to the garbage. The smell is still permeating my cube. The taste was in my mouth.
There was only one thing to do: call in the Quizno's. Which I did in short order. Thank God for Quizno's. Thank God I can get a regular tuna fish sandwich without added birdseed for under five dollars. I believe it will be the only thing strong enough to cut the horrible taste of the Patra from my pallate.
Patra is evil. Stay away from it. Do not risk your good health over this "new experience."
I would take pictures, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I look at this stuff in the garbage, I will surely throw up.
posted by Erin at 3:13 PM
3 Comments:
Ewie!!! That makes me very sad for you.
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I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
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